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How to write rules for a sub that last

PlayNObey · 27 September 2026 · 4 min read

What makes a rule a good rule?

A good rule can be checked. "Ask before buying anything over a set amount" can be checked; "be respectful" cannot, because two people will disagree about whether it was kept. Every rule on the list should pass one test: if a stranger read the rule and watched the day, could they say whether it was broken?

The second quality is that it matters to both of you. A rule that only one person cares about turns into a chore for the other. A rule both of you find meaningful becomes part of how you are together.

How many rules should a sub have?

Three to five, to start. It is tempting to write twenty, because writing rules is the fun part and keeping them is the work. But a long list means every rule gets a twentieth of the attention, and the first broken rule makes the whole list feel optional.

Start small. Add a rule when one has become automatic. A list that grows slowly is a sign it is working.

Writing the first set together

Even when one person enforces the rules, both should write them. The one who follows them knows what is realistic on a Tuesday; the one who sets them knows what they want to see. Sit down with paper, or a shared note, and go through four questions.

1. What does each of you want the rules to feel like? Protective, strict, playful, formal. The same rule reads very differently in each.
2. What should happen every day? A greeting, a check-in, a bedtime. These become the daily rules.
3. What should need permission? Spending, plans, a particular food, a particular habit.
4. What is off the table entirely? Anything that touches work, health or other people who have not agreed should usually stay out.

Then write them down and both sign. A signature sounds formal. That is the point — it turns a conversation into an agreement.

Examples to adapt

These are examples of the form, not a recommended set.

Notice that the last rule on the honesty row is about the rules themselves. It is the most important one on any list, because it changes what a broken rule is: something to report, not something to hide.

What happens when a rule is broken?

Decide before it happens. The options are the same for everyone: nothing but a conversation, a small agreed consequence, or a task that makes it right. Any of them works. What does not work is deciding in the moment, because then the consequence reflects the mood rather than the rule.

Two things help. First, confessing a broken rule should always cost less than being found out, or nobody will confess. Second, a rule broken three weeks running is information. It usually means the rule is badly written, not that the person is failing. Rewrite it.

Consequences are optional. Plenty of people keep rules for years with nothing but a conversation behind them.

How often should rules be reviewed?

After the first week, and then monthly. The first review catches the rules that were unrealistic. The monthly ones keep the list alive: retire a rule that has become automatic, rewrite one that keeps failing, add one if both of you want to.

A review takes ten minutes. Read each rule out loud and ask whether it still fits. That short conversation keeps the arrangement working far better than any consequence does.

Keeping rules in PlayNObey

In PlayNObey the whole process fits in one quest: write the rules, keep them for a day, then three days, then a week, with a report and a verdict at each step. Proof and verdicts stay on your devices. You can also turn each daily rule into a quest item with photo proof, so keeping it is part of the game rather than a promise nobody checks.

Write three rules tonight, sign them, and look at them again in a week.